Get a clue

Dear husband,

i wish i could tell you my feelings in real life, but you never seem to be listening so why waste my time? Here’s the deal. I’m very depressed. Surprisingly, not about our current debt situation. No, not that. Millions of people have gone through or are going through the same type of thing. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel and i can see it. Sometimes it’s near, sometimes it’s barely visible. But i can still see it. It’s definately there.

No, I am depressed about your genuine concern (or rather, lack thereof) of our situation and the game plan to deal with it. WTF? I mean seriously, WTF? I realize that you haven’t got a f’ing clue as to where money flows from or to or where babies come from, but come on. Let’s get a clue here, okay? I’m not in this alone – and i refuse to be. For the past 6 1/2 years i have been at the helm of our finances, our marriage, and our decisions. I am gracefully stepping down. I resign. I quit.

No, i don’t want a divorce. That’s a very ugly word and we shall never speak it. Besides, it’s a cop-out. Who really wins in that situation? Nobody. Everyone just quits. I’m not a quitter. No, i want you to step up and take charge. I’m not your mother and i’m sick of coddling you. I’m done.

So here’s the scoop. I’m sick of taking the hit around here. I completely support you and your dream of being a business owner and working for yourself. I applaud you and support you in every way. But, we need to draw a line in the sand. We have re-financed our mortgage twice, maxed out every credit card, and borrowed from family to get to this point. And where are we? Up to our eyebrows in debt. We are behind on two of the truck payments. Way behind. I don’t even have my own vehicle to drive. How did we get here? We’re barely hanging on. We can’t re-mortgage the house to get a lower interest rate because our DTI is too high. Every dollar, every dollar, we bring in goes out the door and into someone else’s hand. I understand that it is necessary to spend money to make money, but MY paycheck is financing your dream. i’m done with it. I want to spend MY paycheck the way I want to spend it. I want to pay down bills. I want to have money in the bank. I want to make our monthly payments on time. I want to spend $10 on myself.

The grass has been drying up over the past several weeks. Most customers only want their lawn mowed every other week now. We were barely going to make it mowing grass every week this summer and counting on a couple big jobs that we don’t have. I try to tell you that we are not going to make it until winter and you just throw up your hands and say “what do you want me to do?”. I tell you that you need to get a W-2 job, even temporarily, to get caught up. Your response? You tell me to get another job! What the hell? Step up and take responsibility! I work 40 hours a week and make a decent wage. I carry the insurance for us. My role as wife is to support you. Not SUPPORT you. My wages should be for “extras” and long term savings. Not for paying your employees and covering your bounced transactions.

That’s another thing. You seriously need to get a clue about finances. I tell you to take it easy on the ATM cards cuz there’s only a few dollars in there. You write a check. It’ll take a few days you say. I say, and then what? There’s no f’ing money to deposit you idiot!!! It’s not like we’re beating the float with the deposit. There’s not even a deposit to make! You continue to use the debit card at $34 per rejected transaction because you need something. You need to knock it the F off! If you need gas, take the day off until we can make another deposit. It’s not like the grass is growing anyway!

Now, i don’t want to spend this entire session ripping you apart. No, this is also my opportunity to tell you what I want. What my dreams are. So listen up.

I want to lose weight. How is that your problem? Well, let me explain. When i get mad, depressed, angry, or sad i eat ice cream. That should not be a bombshell for you. You’ve always known that about me. In fact, you tease me about it to other people. I’m a big person, i can take it. (No pun intended) The problem becomes when i am constantly mad, depressed, angry, or sad about our current state of affairs. I have gained 65 lbs. since we said “I do”. Hmmmm….

I want to have children. Now listen up and listen carefully. I may have “issues” with my reproductive system, but when i say it’s time to dance you better get your dancin shoes on and quit giving me grief. I don’t give a rat’s ass if i don’t seduce you in a romantic way. Do it.

I want my own vehicle. I realize i have only been without my own vehicle for 2 months, but it really sucks. It’s just a constant reminder of things i have given up for your dreams. It’s my turn now. It’s all about me – i mean us.

I want you to start making money. NOW. Get creative. Be proactive. You’re not a lazy person, and you never have been. But somehow you’ve settled into a comfortable pace. I will not go through another winter like last winter. It’s time to switch gears and try something new. Something guaranteed. Look, I’m not asking you to make us millionaires, I just want to pay ALL the bills EVERY month. It’s really not too much to ask.

I want to pay off ALL our debts. I realize this is going to take a while, but i want to see steady progress. I want periodic evaluations. I want you to be involved and make the extra effort to pay a little extra on something or another each month.

Now, that is my list of requests. I’m not asking too much, i’m just asking you to be a part of our marriage. Think about it, see what you can come up with and get back to me.

And PS – start cleaning up after yourself. I’m not saying mop the floors and scrub the windows. Just start picking up after yourself. Dirty clothes go in the laundry basket. Shoes go in the mudroom. Hat and sunglasses do not belong on the kitchen counter. Take your plate with you when you leave the table and put it in the dishwasher – it’s usually already open. Pull up the blankets when you get out of bed. Put your shaving cream and razor away after you use it. For goodness sakes – I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER.

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