With so much going on in my life right now i feel like i should be completely overwhelmed to the point of being catatonic. And yet, i feel grateful and blessed. Martina McBride’s song “I have been blessed” is my life’s soundtrack (most days).
Although we are struggling with extremely excessive credit card debt and working out of a foreclosure on our home, i am grateful that we do not yet have children for i could never bear to have them suffer through our mistakes.
Although hubby’s grandpa is suffering from the effects of chemo and radiation therapy and my grandpa is overcoming meningities attributed to the West Nile virus, i feel grateful that our grandparents are still here and we have close relationships with them. Without the love of family, what kind of example could we set for future generations? I am also grateful that everyone in our family has insurance or other benefits to cover the majority of these very expensive ailments.
Although i am overweight, i am grateful. This is going to sound incredibly crazy, but i see it as a blessing. Because of my extra weight, my hormones are out of whack and i don’t ovulate like i should. Therefore, the good Lord has insured that we will not have any children until the appointed time. He has a plan for us. Apparently going through some extreme financial distress is part of a bigger lesson for us to learn. And, again, thank goodness we don’t have children to drag through the trenches of our mistakes.
I have not been to church in nearly a year. I feel guilty for not being able to tithe properly, so i just don’t go. I don’t have any friends at church that i maintain a regular relationship with. My language and anger have become increasing worse, but i try my best to keep it in check. I only lash out at home, and only in front of my husband. Sometimes i think about Job, and the trials he had to endure. I have nothing to complain about. I also remember my favorite passage from the Bible. (Proverbs 31) This is the person i yearn to be.
A Wife of Noble Character
10 [b]Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
She is more precious than rubies.
11 Her husband can trust her,
and she will greatly enrich his life.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She finds wool and flax
and busily spins it.
14 She is like a merchant’s ship,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household
and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.
16 She goes to inspect a field and buys it;
with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She is energetic and strong,
a hard worker.
18 She makes sure her dealings are profitable;
her lamp burns late into the night.
19 Her hands are busy spinning thread,
her fingers twisting fiber.
20 She extends a helping hand to the poor
and opens her arms to the needy.
21 She has no fear of winter for her household,
for everyone has warm[c] clothes.
22 She makes her own bedspreads.
She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.
23 Her husband is well known at the city gates,
where he sits with the other civic leaders.
24 She makes belted linen garments
and sashes to sell to the merchants.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity,
and she laughs without fear of the future.
26 When she speaks, her words are wise,
and she gives instructions with kindness.
27 She carefully watches everything in her household
and suffers nothing from laziness.
28 Her children stand and bless her.
Her husband praises her:
29 “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,
but you surpass them all!”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
31 Reward her for all she has done.
Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.
Only my husband’s parents know the severity of our situation and have been VERY understanding and helpful. Without them, we wouldn’t be where we are today. I infinately appreciate all that they have done and continue to do for us. There is no way to repay them for all of their graciousness. I only hope that someday our kids can turn to us and trust us the same way.