get this

Friday i got home from work and was very excited to call the mortgage company. I know, right? How lame. Anyway, i dialed them up and was waiting to hear the magical words that i just know are coming and you’re not going to believe this. Are you ready? Seriously, now. Get this, the office i have been dealing with has been evacuated due to the wildfires in California. Are you kidding me!?!?!? No, ma’am. Please call back in another week and we’ll see if we can help you then.

That’s it! Murphy is being evicted from my life. Jump on someone else’s back cuz i’ve had it up to here! No more of this bad luck and things not going my way. I’ve had my share. I’m done. Checked out. Meet me at the front desk cuz you’re outta here!!!!


Ok, now on a more positive note. I finally worked up the courage to step on the scale this morning and i have lost 4 lbs in 5 days. Not bad, but i was hoping for better. The first week is where you get to lose a ton of weight (like 10 lbs) and that motivates you to look forward to the measly 2-3lbs/week loss. But, i haven’t reached the full 7 day week yet so maybe i will be pleasantly surprised yet. To be continued…


crossed fingers

Well, our mortgage loan modification plan was submitted to the underwriters 2 weeks ago today. Our representative told me to call back in two weeks to find out what the new terms are. I am hoping, praying, and crossing my fingers that they come back with a fantastic deal. A lower interest rate than i expected would be a nice outcome, or that they reset the loan to 30 years with our now lower principal, heck let’s hope for 40. I’m young. Hopefully, next Wednesday will be the last time i have to send a wire transfer payment at the 11.45% rate. I am looking forward to a pleasant December payment. I believe in the power of positive thinking!!

Also, today starts Day 5 of my new life. My low carb life that is. Surprisingly, i have been waking up with lots of energy and ambition. Guess that goes to further support the whole “you are what you eat” idea. I haven’t had the courage to step on the scale to see how i’m doing – for fear that i’m not. I haven’t cheated, but i haven’t been exercising either. Last time i did this, i lost 20 lbs in one month but i was exercising every other day. It was also a very stable time in my life. Now, i’m stressed out about many things. I’m also afraid to look at the scale for fear that it hasn’t budged and that will derail my motivation. We’re are going out with friends tonight so i have all day to figure out what i’m going to eat and talk myself out of eating anything else.


la low carb vida

Okay, well i’ve made the first step. I have cut carbs out of my life. This is the second day of living la low carb vida and it’s not so bad. Of course, i will eventually run into a temptatious piece of garlic bread or the enevitable birthday cake. But for now i’m okay.

The trick is to have food made up ahead of time. So, i went to the grocery store and bought all kinds of low carb food. I made turkey and cream cheese rolled up snacks, celery with a little bit of peanut butter, and i cooked some sausage and scrambled eggs and put it the fridge to warm up for breakfast. My fridge looks like a tupperware warehouse. But, i won’t be tempted to grab a high carb high fat ready to eat snack.

The next step will be to start working out. At least 30 minutes a day. Someday.


Day One

Looking back through my previous posts, i realized i live a pretty depressing life. We’re avoiding foreclosure on our home, the truck was almost re-po’d, my dog got run over, hubby’s grandpa is touch-n-go with his health, the camper was re-po’d, i’m overweight and infertile, my hubby is driving me crazy with his “que sera sera” attitude and i’m sure i’m missing a few more exciting events from this summer.

But, you know what? I don’t care. Because i know i’m better than that. Today i realized that for the past few months i have been caught up in a whirlwind of bad luck and i don’t like it. So, today is day one. Today i will start looking for a new (higher paying, more intellectually challenging) job. Today i will significantly reduce my carbohydrate and most importantly simple starch intake. Today i will take charge of my life and stop letting things happen to me. Today i will make things happen. Today i’m taking the bull by the horns and moving forward.

I know where i want to go, i just need to put my butt in gear and make that first step.


Inspirational stories

Everyday i get a little inspirational story and joke from Joke-of-the-day.com. The following two inspirational stories really struck an accord with me and i wanted to share them. Makes you take a second look at yourself and how you conduct your life…


A young man applied for a job as a farmhand. When the farmer asked for his qualifications, he said, “I can sleep when the wind blows.”

This puzzled the farmer. But he liked the young man, and hired him.

A few days later, the farmer and his wife were awakened in the night by a violent storm. They quickly began to check things out to see if all was secure. They found that the shutters of the farmhouse had been securely fastened. A good supply of logs had been set next to the fireplace.

The young man slept soundly.

The farmer and his wife then inspected their property. They found that the farm tools had been placed in the storage shed, safe from the elements.

The tractor had been moved into the garage. The barn was properly locked. Even the animals were calm. All was well.

The farmer then understood the meaning of the young man’s words, “I can sleep when the wind blows.”

Because the farmhand did his work loyally and faithfully when the skies were clear, he was prepared for the storm when it broke. So when the wind blew, he was not afraid. He could sleep in peace.

This is Rex Barker reminding you that if we can catch up in our lives with all of the things we are behind in, and prepare properly for things, then we will really learn to understand what sound sleep really is.


A scientist once ran an experiment which he called “processional caterpillars”. He lined up caterpillars on the rim of a pot that held a plant so that the lead caterpillar was head to tail with the last caterpillar, with no break with the parade. The tiny creatures walked around the rim of the pot for a full week before they died of exhaustion and starvation. Not once did any of the caterpillars break out of the line and venture over into the plant to eat. Food was only inches away, but the follow the leader instinct was even stronger than the drive to eat and survive!

When we find ourselves in the rut, we do well to ask ourselves these three questions:

1. Is this rut is my own making? We tend to choose a rut because it’s comfortable and requires no risk. To get out of a rut, make new choices.

2. Who am I following? We adopt certain patterns in our lives because someone has taught them to us directly or by example. Make sure you are following good leaders; don’t simply follow the crowd.

3. Where am I going? Ruts develop when we lose a sense of vision of our lives… When we are “just traveling” through life and not attempting to arrive at a destination. Goals take you somewhere!

“A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd.”

This is Rex Barker, reminding you that first you have to identify the ruts in your life before you can ever change them. So spend some time alone and examine what has been holding you back in your life. And then resolve to make healthy changes in your life that will start to turn things around.


I have been blessed

With so much going on in my life right now i feel like i should be completely overwhelmed to the point of being catatonic. And yet, i feel grateful and blessed. Martina McBride’s song “I have been blessed” is my life’s soundtrack (most days).

Although we are struggling with extremely excessive credit card debt and working out of a foreclosure on our home, i am grateful that we do not yet have children for i could never bear to have them suffer through our mistakes.

Although hubby’s grandpa is suffering from the effects of chemo and radiation therapy and my grandpa is overcoming meningities attributed to the West Nile virus, i feel grateful that our grandparents are still here and we have close relationships with them. Without the love of family, what kind of example could we set for future generations? I am also grateful that everyone in our family has insurance or other benefits to cover the majority of these very expensive ailments.

Although i am overweight, i am grateful. This is going to sound incredibly crazy, but i see it as a blessing. Because of my extra weight, my hormones are out of whack and i don’t ovulate like i should. Therefore, the good Lord has insured that we will not have any children until the appointed time. He has a plan for us. Apparently going through some extreme financial distress is part of a bigger lesson for us to learn. And, again, thank goodness we don’t have children to drag through the trenches of our mistakes.

I have not been to church in nearly a year. I feel guilty for not being able to tithe properly, so i just don’t go. I don’t have any friends at church that i maintain a regular relationship with. My language and anger have become increasing worse, but i try my best to keep it in check. I only lash out at home, and only in front of my husband. Sometimes i think about Job, and the trials he had to endure. I have nothing to complain about. I also remember my favorite passage from the Bible. (Proverbs 31) This is the person i yearn to be.

A Wife of Noble Character

      10 [b]Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
      She is more precious than rubies.
   11 Her husband can trust her,
      and she will greatly enrich his life.
   12 She brings him good, not harm,
      all the days of her life.

   13 She finds wool and flax
      and busily spins it.
   14 She is like a merchant’s ship,
      bringing her food from afar.
   15 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household
      and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.

   16 She goes to inspect a field and buys it;
      with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
   17 She is energetic and strong,
      a hard worker.
   18 She makes sure her dealings are profitable;
      her lamp burns late into the night.

   19 Her hands are busy spinning thread,
      her fingers twisting fiber.
   20 She extends a helping hand to the poor
      and opens her arms to the needy.
   21 She has no fear of winter for her household,
      for everyone has warm[c] clothes.

   22 She makes her own bedspreads.
      She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.
   23 Her husband is well known at the city gates,
      where he sits with the other civic leaders.
   24 She makes belted linen garments
      and sashes to sell to the merchants.

   25 She is clothed with strength and dignity,
      and she laughs without fear of the future.
   26 When she speaks, her words are wise,
      and she gives instructions with kindness.
   27 She carefully watches everything in her household
      and suffers nothing from laziness.

   28 Her children stand and bless her.
      Her husband praises her:
   29 “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,
      but you surpass them all!”

   30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
      but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
   31 Reward her for all she has done.
      Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

Only my husband’s parents know the severity of our situation and have been VERY understanding and helpful. Without them, we wouldn’t be where we are today. I infinately appreciate all that they have done and continue to do for us. There is no way to repay them for all of their graciousness. I only hope that someday our kids can turn to us and trust us the same way.


Close Call (Too close for comfort)

What a crazy weekend. Friday night we went out with friends to our favorite local watering hole. I only had one drink, but had a really good time laughing and telling stories with our friends. We have some really great friends and it’s nice to let yourself go and have fun once in a while. For a few hours a week, i can push all my worries to the back of my brain and be a decent human being.

Later that night (morning) we were sleeping and hubby’s cell phone rang. It’s 2:00am. This can’t be good. It’s hubby’s dad. Grandpa isn’t feeling well and they’ve called the ambulance. Oh shit. Hubby throws on the clothes he just took off a few hours ago and rushes next door to see what’s going on.

I stayed home (to pray) and paced anxiously. I looked out the window at their house. Every light is on. I wonder how long they waited before calling someone, how bad he must feel to not only call and wake up the family (neighbors) but to also call an ambulance. For a few anxious minutes that seemed like hours, i thought it was the end of the story. The end of an era.

The Lord decided it was not yet time. Hubby helped the EMT bring grandpa downstairs and into the ambulance. And off to the hospital they all went.

Apparently the chemo, other medication, lack of proper nutrition (apparently everything he ate the past 3 weeks came back up), and low potassium was a bad mixture. In not so many words, the doctor said he came to the hospital just in time.

For a few minutes early Saturday morning, I thought it was all over. I dreaded the phone call that I know will eventually come. Hubby and his grandpa are extremely close and i know that the end will be the hardest thing hubby will ever have to go through. House going through foreclosure, truck almost re-possessed, camper actually repossessed – no big deal. No more grandpa? Unfathomable.

I don’t want to think about it, but i need to learn how to handle this before it happens. I need to figure out how to be there for not only hubby, but the rest of the family. I’m not a very emotional person so i’m not good at this sort of thing. But, when the time comes, i want to be ready – for everyone.