for some reason i’m in a bit of a funk today. i don’t know what the deal is but it’s got to go. i feel tired and somewhat irritable. perhaps it is PMS? not sure, never had that problem. i’ve been taking prometrium for the past week so maybe that’s really what it is. ugh.

on another note, i worked at the local ice cream shop last night. the owner and i have known each other for ages. in fact, our husbands are business partners for the snow plowing season. anyway, it was very different. she needs some adult help during the evening a few nights a week so she can take care of things at home. no problem, i’m always willing to help out a friend in need. i tried to keep an open mind and positive attitude about the whole thing. the employees were very friendly for the most part and amused themselves by trying to show me the ropes.

the thing is, i have mixed emotions about the whole thing. on one hand, i’ll be earning some much needed extra cash while helping out a friend. on the other hand, spring is fast approaching and being there means i won’t be at home tending to the lawn business needs. and really my attitude stinks and i know it. i haven’t punched a time clock in nearly a decade. in fact, i was embarressed to have to ask one of the girls how to do it. she kinda looked at me like i was crazy. i don’t want to tell anyone what i do in real life because i don’t want them to look at me like i’m better than them and why should i be there. i don’t want them to think of my any differently than any of the other girls.

well, anyway, on a lighter note, the new fire hall is open! Hubby has spent the last week moving non-essential “stuff” to the new hall and purchasing supplies, tables & chairs, washer/dryer, etc. there is no official date of when the transfer will be complete, but hopefully it will be soon. chief is really dragging this on as long as possible. non-official – you didn’t hear this from me – i’ll deny ever knowing this – rumor has it that he’s going to get fired. this comes from pretty reliable township officials. we’ll see what happens. in my opinion, it’s long overdue. but that’s a story for another day….



In real life i am an extremely private person. I don’t share my feelings with anybody – even my husband. I don’t like people to fuss over me or bother them with my issues. I prefer to do for people and be “behind the scenes”. That’s why i love blogging. All my frustrations, hopes, dreams, wishes, and general feelings can escape out of my mind and into cyberspace where nobody knows me. And nobody can jugde me.

A short time ago i revealed to my mum that we were having fertility issues. No details, no explanations. By this time it was hard to avoid. I mean, we’ve been married almost 7 years and everybody knows we want children. By now it is glaringly obvious that we are having problems. It needed to be said. However, i told her in confidence and asked her not to say anything to the rest of the family. My mum is known as the “Free Press” in our immediate family because of her reputation for gossiping. I shouldn’t have said anything, but she’s my mum. We’ve never been extremely close due to my private nature, but she’s all about “feelings” and “emotions”. I realize saying this makes me sound like an insensitive robot. I’m not, i have feelings – i just keep them to myself.

So, i told her. I really thought that she would keep something this private, well, private. I LOVE my grandma. She is the best grandma in the whole world and i love her to pieces. But, she lives over 1,000 miles away and we don’t talk very often. So i called her on her birthday to wish her a happy birthday and chat with her a few precious minutes. She ended the conversation very cheerfully and said we need to talk more often. Who can argue with that?

Imagine my surprise when she called me the very next day. She asked me how things were going and we chatted a few minutes. The conversation started hinting around babies (as they inevitably do) and she kinda led on that she knew our situation but not knowing our issues. She went on to share some encouraging stories and ended the conversation with some scripture to read. Then we prayed together. For someone who likes to keep to themselves and doesn’t like anyone to fuss about them, this was very difficult for me to accept. But after we hung up, i felt grateful, blessed, relieved. A whole conglomerate of emotions ran through me. And although it was strange for me to have somebody put energy and concern into ME, i really, kinda, liked it.

It was nice to know that somebody cared enough about me to not only call and try to lift my spirits, but to pray for me. She didn’t try to pry into the gory details or offer useless consolations like “don’t worry, it’ll happen when you stop worrying about it” or tell me stupid success stories from other people she knows who had similar issues. It felt good. Family really is the best thing in the world.


Weigh Day

So, today was weigh day. Today is the day i get weighed and measured at my fitness center. This is the day we see how much my hard work has paid off.


Drum roll please…………….

I’ve lost 8 lbs!!! That’s not as much as i wanted to lose in the first month, but considering i didn’t entirely devote myself to low carb until 2 weeks ago, i’ll take it i guess. The truth is i’ve been really really good about what goes in my mouth and i’ve been working out just about every day. My goal for next weigh in is 10 lbs. If i do more that would be great. But i don’t want to set the bar too high and get upset when i don’t reach that goal.

Yay me!


nether-regions explored

Yesterday was a fun day. Not. I went to my girlie doctor to have an ultrasound done of my girlie parts. Doesn’t sound too harmless, right? Well, when the nurse asks you to undress from the wast down you know somethin’s up. Doctor came in a few minutes later and embarked on a Lewis and Clark expedition to my South Pole. What an experience.

Hubby called this morning and would like to take the weekend off and head out to a hotel with a hot tub and relax. This is something he would never suggest, so the long boring hours of plowing snow must be getting to him. Sounds fun. I could use a day off myself.


Catch up

Okay, so, i guess it’s been a day or two since my last post. Much to tell.

First off, i didn’t mention this before, but i have officially joined a fitness center where i go faithfully every day after work. Well, for the most part. I average 4-5 days per week. I love going. The ladies there are wonderful. And even though it’s only 30 minutes a day, i work hard and try to get my heart reate up as much as possible. It works out great for me because it’s right on my way home. You see, if i have to go home and change i’ll never make it out again. There’s always just one or two things i need to do before i do that. And then it just never happens.

It’s 30 minutes of me time. I leave my cell phone in the car and walk away from it all for 30 minutes every day. This is probably more of a mental health break than physical, and that’s probably a good thing too.

Do you sometimes think about something and then it happens? This is crazy, but it happens to me alot. Most recently, i was doing something at work and i started daydreaming. I was thinking about how much i would like to start a family and how i never have time to set aside to go back to the specialist. I was thinking about how i hadn’t even been to the specialist in over a year and it’s been even longer since i had a girlie exam. Oh well, i thought. Maybe in the spring things will slow down at work and i can take a day off and get cought up on all my annuals. Just then my cell phone rang. The caller ID showed it was my girlie doctor specialist. They were calling because i was overdue on my annual exam. Some people say God works in mysterious ways. I don’t. There’s nothing mysterious when he’s trying to make a point.

So i go and get my annual girlie exam (*YUCK*) and i tell the doctor my plans and she thinks that’s great. I told her i want to lose 50lbs before trying to get pregnant. She recommends the South Beach Diet. Anyone hear of it? Need some tips….