In real life i am an extremely private person. I don’t share my feelings with anybody – even my husband. I don’t like people to fuss over me or bother them with my issues. I prefer to do for people and be “behind the scenes”. That’s why i love blogging. All my frustrations, hopes, dreams, wishes, and general feelings can escape out of my mind and into cyberspace where nobody knows me. And nobody can jugde me.
A short time ago i revealed to my mum that we were having fertility issues. No details, no explanations. By this time it was hard to avoid. I mean, we’ve been married almost 7 years and everybody knows we want children. By now it is glaringly obvious that we are having problems. It needed to be said. However, i told her in confidence and asked her not to say anything to the rest of the family. My mum is known as the “Free Press” in our immediate family because of her reputation for gossiping. I shouldn’t have said anything, but she’s my mum. We’ve never been extremely close due to my private nature, but she’s all about “feelings” and “emotions”. I realize saying this makes me sound like an insensitive robot. I’m not, i have feelings – i just keep them to myself.
So, i told her. I really thought that she would keep something this private, well, private. I LOVE my grandma. She is the best grandma in the whole world and i love her to pieces. But, she lives over 1,000 miles away and we don’t talk very often. So i called her on her birthday to wish her a happy birthday and chat with her a few precious minutes. She ended the conversation very cheerfully and said we need to talk more often. Who can argue with that?
Imagine my surprise when she called me the very next day. She asked me how things were going and we chatted a few minutes. The conversation started hinting around babies (as they inevitably do) and she kinda led on that she knew our situation but not knowing our issues. She went on to share some encouraging stories and ended the conversation with some scripture to read. Then we prayed together. For someone who likes to keep to themselves and doesn’t like anyone to fuss about them, this was very difficult for me to accept. But after we hung up, i felt grateful, blessed, relieved. A whole conglomerate of emotions ran through me. And although it was strange for me to have somebody put energy and concern into ME, i really, kinda, liked it.
It was nice to know that somebody cared enough about me to not only call and try to lift my spirits, but to pray for me. She didn’t try to pry into the gory details or offer useless consolations like “don’t worry, it’ll happen when you stop worrying about it” or tell me stupid success stories from other people she knows who had similar issues. It felt good. Family really is the best thing in the world.