What now?

Ever have one of those days when you think it couldn’t possibly get any worse? Let me tell you about my weekend.

On Friday, the owners announced that we would be shutting the doors – indefinately. Effective today. So, yeah. They called us about 1:30 Friday afternoon. The plant manager and i had to break the news to everyone. That was fun. I’m at work today, but only to assist in transferring the tooling and inventory to the new supplier and button up accounting issues.

Friday afternoon i grab the mail when i get home and i see that the dresses i ordered came in. Yay! I ordered these dresses last week anticipating an upcoming funeral and i don’t have any clothes appropriate to wear to the funeral of a close family member. So, i open the bag and see 2 lovely black dresses and 1 light sand colored dress. Are you kidding me? So, i called the store and 45 minutes later they agreed to overnight express a replacement. Thanks, how kind of you to fix your mistake. They weren’t going to, but i explained it was for a funeral and i think i guilted her into being nice.

Funeral? No, one has not been planned yet. Well, it has, sort of. Grandpa is still with us, albeit not doing very well. It was a grueling weekend caring for him and watching him deteriorate. This morning we had a scare, but he’s still here. Grandma has been mentioning plans that she would like when the time comes. It will be a lovely service.

Saturday i showered and was getting dressed when i decided that the new earrings hubby gave me for my birthday would make me feel better. Did i mention that my birthday was last week? Anyway, i had already worn them a few times with no trouble but today when i tried to put them in, one of them broke.

Sunday i felt like crap and really took my time finishing laundry. Later that afternoon when i started my period i knew why i felt like crap, and then felt even worse. Getting my period meant i wasn’t pregnant. And although we’ve been really trying and i really thought this month was it – it wasn’t. In light of everything else going on, maybe this was a good thing. Pregnant with no insurance and looking for a job is not a good place to be.

*Heavy Sigh*

Lord please give me strength.


nearing the end…

It’s been a long painful road. Hubby’s grandpa is dying of cancer. Everyone in the family has been doing a wonderful job lovingly and tirelessly taking care of him 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Yesterday, he decided that he was ready and asked to be disconnected from his feeding tube. Nobody is taking this very easily. However, he said some very sweet things to grandma and the rest of the family, letting us know that it’s okay and he loves us.

Lord, please help me find the right words of comfort to help this family through their grief. Please cradle them and take their sadness and replace it with joy, because Your ever faithful and humble servant is coming home to You. Someday we will all be reuinited in Your house where a room has been already been prepared for us. Amen.


Life Lesson

I came across this story today and it hit me like a load of bricks. WOW. Really makes you think about what you say to other people…

A group of frogs were traveling through the woods, and two of them fell into a deep pit. When the other frogs saw how deep the pit was, they yelled to the two frogs that they were as good as dead. The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit with all their might. The other frogs kept telling to them to stop, that there was no hope.

Finally, one of the frogs took heed to what the other frogs were saying and gave up. He fell down and died.

The other frog continued jumping as hard as he could. Once again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop his jumping and just die. He jumped even harder and finally made it out. When he got out, (after taking a needed rest) the other frogs clammered, “Didn’t you hear us?” The frog explained to them that he was deaf. He thought they were encouraging him the entire time.

From this we learn two lessons:

A. There is power of life and death in the tongue. An encouraging word to someone who is down can lift them up and help them make it through the day.

B. A destructive word to someone who is down can be what it takes to kill them.


Birthday Week

Sunday kicked off birthday week in our house. Nomally, my hubby and i don’t like to make a big deal about birthdays. We both hate being the center of attention and would rather not have anybody make a fuss about us. But, hubby has verbalized his fear that his grandpa will pass away this week. This week also marks their 58th wedding anniversary. I’ve been praying for God to please let us have a good week with him. Please don’t take him home this week.

Knowing that hubby has been extra-sensitive lately, i decided to make birthday week extra special this year. Birthday week? Yes, hubby’s dad decided a few years ago (on his birthday of course) that one day of celebration is just not sufficient. The whole week around your birthday should be special. Favorite meals, extra favors, birthday cake of choice, and get-togethers. Well, of course we teased him about it, but somehow it stuck. So, now our family celebrates birthday week.

Anyway, i kicked off birthday week with his favorite cupcakes last night. I think tomorrow i’ll make him lemon cookies. (gross!) It’s tradition that the birthday boy/girl chooses the kind of birthday cake they would like and birthday dinner. Cakes must be made from scratch. Nothing can be store-bought. Silly traditions, but meaningful nonetheless.

Yesterday was the fire department’s annual pancake breakfast. Hubby had been protesting the FD all week. With all the drama and stress going on at home with grandpa, finances, work, infertility, etc he’s been a little testy and some people/events that normally wouldn’t have created an issue have somehow struck a nerve. As of Saturday night he was still steadfast that he would not be attending the breakfast. Well, that night we went out with friends and had a great time. He loosened up a little bit and i took that opportunity to bring up the FD breakfast. I told him (feeling good) in front of our friends (super supporters) that he has to go. The boy scouts were going to be there, which meant my youngest brother would be there. I told him that my brother really looked up to him as well as the rookies on the department. He HAD to go. These people saw him as a role model and he had a duty to be a good example. I told him he can go back to being mad at 1:00, but he HAD to go.

Well, we didn’t get home until 12:30am and set the alarm for 6am. Surprisingly, he jumped right out of bed with the alarm and jumped in the shower. It’s important to note here that he NEVER gets up with the alarm. I usually have to roll out of bed and shut it off and then throw cold water on him to get him up. Needless to say, i was extremely happy. He did a wonderful job and i think he even enjoyed himself a little bit. They had a record turnout which meant everyone was busy and noboby could complain about slackers.

Last night we took the skid steer over to my parent’s house for my dad to use. He surprised hubby with a thank-you card and gift for all his much-appreciated help on the barn and use of our equipment. Hubby hates gifts but actually smiled when he opened it. A door knob with keypad entry for his barn. Extremely thoughtful. Hubby’s been wanting one for a long time and mentioned it a long, long time ago. My parents not only remembered, but bought it for him in appreciation. Hubby was embarassed. He didn’t help because he wanted a gift. He really enjoys building and had a blast just being able to help. They really didn’t need to get him anything, but it’s the thought that counts.

Despite hubby’s bad feelings about his grandpa, i am going to try my damndest to make this the best week ever for him. He’s already off to a good start with the FD pancake breakfast going well and his favorite cupcakes. I need to keep up the momentum and find/do something special for him everyday.

PS – i actually ovulated last week!! Keep your fingers and toes crossed. My next period is due the day after my birthday. A positive PT would be the best birthday surprise ever!


a looooooooooong way, baby!

YAY!!! As of Friday, my hubby and i will be exactly 50% through our debt management plan! It seems like it’s been a lifetime, but we’ve knocked off 2 years of payments. Just 2 more to go. This is when things really get exciting. Some loans will be paid off about January, so our monthly payments will be decreased. Another YAY!!! These monthly payments have been as much as our house payment. Also, this half of the loan will pay off more $$$ in principal, and less $$$ in interest so our balances will start to fall faster.

We really have a lot to be thankful for. Over the past 2-3 years we have endured a lot of financial hardship and other trials and tribulations, but today we focus on how far we’ve come. Our mortgage was modified to an affordable rate/payment. We have paid off several small loans. We are halfway through the remainder of our credit card debt. There are 2 loans that will be paid off just after Christmas. We’ve come a looooong way, baby!

In spite of all the other crap in our lives, let’s be thankful for this.