Hunting Season

Gun hunting season (for deer) officially opened this past Saturday in our State. I just got in the game today. Job hunting that is!! This week i realized that there is no hope for this place. The owners are engaging less and less and obviously moving on to other things. The plant manager and i are the only ones here and seemingly the only ones taking care of business. So, this morning i decided that i want to continue receiving a paycheck and insurance benefits in the future.

I posted my resume online. I realize that there aren’t a lot of jobs out there. The few jobs there are have a LOT of applicants. But, i’m never going to get anywhere unless i try. I sent my resume to about 20 places today. Tomorrow, i’ll send some more. I have to be careful with myself. I’ll send one or two resumes and then get in a depressed mode and start downplaying my resume and applying to lower level positions. Although i am willing to accept a lower level position if i have to, i don’t think i should start there.

I’m praying that the perfect job for the right salary will find it’s way to me. Since i make so little right now, i’m not worried about taking a hit on the paycheck. I’m just very concerned about the insurance.

Cross your fingers!!

God’s mysterious plan

Hubby and i just finished a nice dinner of meatballs and mashed potatos and corn and gravy. As i’m cleaning up hubby tells me that his dad has been on his case. Why? I ask. Apparently hubby’s mom wants hubby to get the farm up and running again. Are you kidding me? Why? He has no more answers, and i confess a little secret to him. Just the other day i was thinking – it was more of just a fleeting thought – that it might be nice to have a few beef cows, for extra money. We have everything we need, just need to take back the land that his uncle has been leasing from grandpa and cut our own hay. There’s plenty of land, the barns are still in good shape. In fact, there are cows out there now, they just belong to his uncle.

Now, i realize that God has a plan for each of us. We usually don’t know what it is, or how or where it will play out, but there is definately a purpose for each of our lives. I’ll admit that i’ve been pretty depressed lately about losing my job. But i never lost hope. Afterall, his grandpa was just a dairy farmer and his grandma a secretary. And yet, they are better off than anybody i know. They worked hard and made smart decisions. I’ve learned so much from them and i have so much more to learn.

I’ve told you all that to get to the point of my story. Back in high school when hubby and i were just dating, his grandpa was still farming. Hubby worked part time for a local lawn company and all his spare time was spent helping his grandpa bale hay. I thought that was just the greatest thing in the world. I admired hubby for his strong work ethic, loyalty to his family, and he looked really good throwing those bales around. Anyway, i always hoped that someday he would take over his grandpa’s farm and we could live a happy little farm life. Grandpa, it turned out, thought that hubby wouldn’t be able to make it in today’s commercial farm world where you go big or you go home. The measly 300 acres he had couldn’t turn a big enough profit to make a living and support a young family. Hubby went out to make his mark in the world and started his own lawn maintenance company and snow removal company. I went off and got a job in the corporate world and earned my bachelor’s degree. We tried (and are still trying) to etch our mark on the world, but things haven’t been going as planned.

Almost 8 years later, we are struggling to make ends meet, we don’t have any children, and i’m losing my job. It’s pretty much the farthest thing from the american dream. But, i’ve always tried to make the best of it. We may not have kids yet, but thank God because we can’t even afford ourselves. We had to learn some serious financial lessons and thankfully we didn’t have to drag kids through that fire. As far as the jobs go, maybe we were really meant to live the farm life afterall. What a crazy journey to get us here, but we’ve definately learned some valuable lessons.

I don’t know what the future holds, or what God’s plans for us are. But, i will be praying that God will reveal His plan to us. And that we would listen and follow His instructions. Perhaps all this time i’ve been trying to listen for the answer i wanted to hear and not the answer God intended for me. Or, maybe this was the plan all along and things are finally falling into place. In God’s time.

Now What?

I still go to work everyday, but there’s not much to do. Only me and the plant manager are in the building. It’s eerily quiet and i am easily distracted. Although it seems like now would be a great time to get things accomplished, i’m having some serious focus issues. I start on a project only to abandon it for something else.

The owners have not been around, and hardly call. What are they doing? Why aren’t they concerned about this? Oh, well. I’m getting a paycheck and insurance still, that’s all that matters to me right now. I need to seriously start exercising and sticking to low-carb. I need to shed some pounds so i can look my best for an interview. Oh, wait. Nobody’s calling.

*sigh*

There doesn’t seem to be an end in sight. The media says it’s getting worse every day. Just when i began to feel like we were catching up.

*sigh*

Well, let’s see what tomorrow brings.

end of an era…

A legend has passed. Hubby’s grandpa passed away about a week or so ago. The funeral was beautiful, and exhausting. It was the fastest and slowest 3 days i’ve ever had. I was asked to arrange the picture boards, and i was honored to do it. Hubby was one of the pallbearers, and honored to do it. It has been very hard for him, but is taking it better than i thought he would.

Gathering and arranging the pictures was a much harder job than i imagined. I had the pictures, that was the easy part. It was hard to look back over the years and see him when he was so healthy. He had been sick for so long that i had forgotten what he used to look like. It was very sad, and a relief all at once. It was a relief to know that he wasn’t suffering any more. He’s up in heaven with his parents and sister and son and he’s happy and healthy again.

Grandma is doing better than imagined. The day grandpa died, grandma and the girls and hubby left to go to the funeral home to make arrangements. I volunteered to stay and tell hubby’s cousin, who left hours ago and didn’t know. While they were gone, we disassembled the hospital bed and took all the equipment and everything out to the barn to get picked up. We scrubbed the carpet and put the furniture back to normal. By the time everyone got home, the house was back to “normal”. I thought that would be better for Grandma, and she was very appreciative. She was hoping that would be done, it was just too hard to look at.

At work, we’ve officially closed the doors. My time is now spent wrapping up loose ends and closing accounts. It sucks. The really strange part is that i feel at peace about it. I have no explanation for that. As a person who craves security and vowed to never go through what we went through financially 2 years ago, i’m not in a panic about this. I fully understand the state of the economy and that  our state ranks #1 in the country for unemployment, and yet, i’m not anxious. Inherently, i know that God provides. Every door closed is an opportunity for a bigger and better door to open. Or take you down another path. God has a plan for me, i just don’t know what it is.

A couple of chapters have closed in our lives. I’ve got to believe that just means a brand new chapter is about to begin, and maybe we’ll introduce some new characters…