My Time

As we continue our journey to free ourselves from the ball and chain of debt, I find myself finally thinking about the future. For so many years, I could only focus on immediate needs. Living day to day, dollar to dollar. Survival mode. Food, shelter, transportation – that’s it. Stressing about being able to make even the minimum payments. I became a master at the bill-pay lottery. Knowing what needed to be paid on-time, and what could stretch.

Now that the demands on our money is easing, my mind wonders occasionally from needs to wants. And sometimes in silly ways. For example, I find myself putting on makeup everyday now. Whereas before, I would skimp as much as possible so that I would have makeup available for special occassions. Before you start shaking your head and laughing, makeup is expensive. And i don’t shop at Macy’s or other boutiques. I’m taking covergirl from walmart. But i could never justify spending $6 or $7 on eye-shadow when that could cover lunches for the week.

Recently, I also took a huge leap of faith and got my first treatment of laser hair removal. It was not nearly as expensive as i thought it would be, and i negotiated a payment plan. So, for a few hundred dollars over a few months time, my self-confidence has increased ten-fold. As few as six months ago, I would have never considered such an extravagence for myself. I’m so glad I finally did it. I feel like a girl again.

I’ve also been seeing my doctor regularly trying to get my body in shape so that hubby and I can get pregnant. I had lost a total of 26 lbs, but have recently gained 7 back. I need to stay committed. I need to stop whining and making excuses.

Due to the ease of financial stress, weight loss, the laser hair removal, and the increased desire to wear makeup and look nice, I’ve noticed my attitude change. I’m not nearly as angry all the time. I find myself chatting with people more, making small talk, laughing and giggling. Before, I was all business all the time. Come, go, maybe wave hello. I was polite, but I didn’t go out of my way to be conversational. I assumed nobody would want to converse with such a hideous creature. And so i spared my feelings by just avoiding people all together as much as possible.

Every ounce of confidence fuels my desire to become the person I want to be. Sliding on my size smaller pants in the morning makes me want to go running. Zipping up my jacket and noticing the extra room makes me want to do more crunches. Feeling good is addictive. Same with finances. Every time open the mail and see the balances getting lower, I just want to send them more money and see that balance fall even more.

This year is my time. My time to get our financial ship right sided and steered into smooth waters. My time to get my body in shape. My time to achieve the dreams I’ve been longing for. My time to become the wife (and mother!) I’ve always wanted to be. I’m moving off of the sidelines and jumping into the game. Nothing is going to hold me back!